Mournin A Loss

Lastyear on Feb 15th the day before my birthday I lost my granmother and couldn't shed a tear it was sad and I wasn't pleased @ all that she had passed but for the life of me I could not understand why I couldn't cry... I sat there thinkin wishin... Thinkin but no tears would come thoughts ran through my mind and I asked myself what's wrong wit u? Why aren't u cryin... Like u should be u always told urself if anything eva happened to ur granny u don't know what u would do. She died in her sleep she was at peace she didn't suffer or anything of the sort but still I should have cried. I have learned that mournin a loss is different for everyone some drown it out wit liquior N weed which isn't really mournin a loss healthy wise but it's reality some party it away jud don't deal with it then some cry right away. Some cry later some eat it away. I personally think I still have to mourn her loss maybe I might cry or maybe I won't I jus get bothered that tears have yet to fall we all go through hard x ruff x things hit us and affect us differently. There is no one in this world that can tell me I didn't love my granny cause I did she made me laugh many times, she told me some wise things some I agreed wit some I didn't she always had my back, stook up for me and kept her eyes on girls she felt jus wasn't really feelin me she would say " I know these tings dem gyals dem does look @ u sneaky up and down when ya back turn me don't trust dem" she was always lookin out for me I miss her DEARLY she would even back me up when I was jus too tired to go to school the next day maybe she spoiled me some would say.. Maybe I was jus in a state of shock when it happened it's normal it happens I still have yet to really mourn I jus hope when I bust out cryin I'm home and in the comfort of people who REALLY love and care for me this jus feels funny to me not being able to cry for the loss of a loved one the tears will come ... When is the one remaining question. I'm not the only one this has happened too which is a sense of comfort too but it still jus makes me uncomfortable but it's okay it's true it happens. The tears finally came on 2/9/210 it was such a release althought I was cryin it felt good finally it came I knew it would as it should. I'm happppy to add that in 2010 during that huge blizzzard we had I shed a tears for my grannys loos they came in like a flood and I felt better Amen.